I received this text one afternoon from a friend who was visiting at the hospital:
“His diapers full of shit and no one attend to him! Am I allowed to kick up a big fuss?”
I lay back and thought about getting back to my nap. But my mind buzzed and so I texted back, “Be nice.”
From what I’ve read, it is the same the world over. Quality of care depends on two factors – are there enough staff members around, and do they care enough. If the hospital is understaffed, no point being nasty. Bring it to their attention, and help them out. It will be appreciated.
If it is a case of inconsiderate neglect, no threats will ensure your relative gets better care the next time around, especially if you’re not there all the time to monitor. You want to encourage cooperation, not incite passive aggression.
I first heard the phrase from my boss… as in “There’s been a complaint about you. Be nice.” End of conversation. There was no room for my explanation, and no further discussion. It rankled initially, until I understood.
What mattered was not “being right”, it was “being nice”.
Dementia, Caregiving and Life in General 
So true, it doesn’t hurt to be nice. Although, it can be very hard especially in those situations when a loved one is not being cared for in a way that you think they should be.
(I have been going through this with my Grandfather)
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I agree it is very hard. So funny my friend thought to ask my permission! But then I thought I should calm her down instead.
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I think that was the right thing to do 🙂
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🙂
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I would amend the advice to “Be kind.” ‘nice’ often has a false ring, as in D.H. Lawrence’s poem “The British Are So Nice”.
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I know what you mean! Just here in our context, “kind” can come off as condescending…
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The truth spoken in such few words. Wonderful.
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Thanks. But it’s really “easier said than done”.
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That’s good advice.
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Thank you.
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I read a quote that was something like, if you have a choice between two things, do the kind thing.
I appreciate your reminder of how this applies to situations regarding serving others. Sometimes it’s not that the staff doesn’t care, it’s just that they’re overwhelmed with too many to care for.
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agree…it always pays
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I stop by from time to time and read one of your posts. I generally do so because you “liked” one of my posts, but I believe I will be stopping by more often because I really like yours writing. — Take care, Bill
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Thanks, you’re most welcome! I love your positive posts, keep up your good spirits.
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